Success Isn’t Luck—Here’s What High Achievers Do Differently

Summary

In this episode, Layla Dawn explores the transformative power of coaching, discussing how it can help individuals break free from cycles of stagnation and uncover their hidden potential. She emphasizes the importance of having a coach in various aspects of life, from personal growth to professional development. The conversation delves into the benefits of coaching, how to identify the right fit, and the distinctions between coaching, friendship, and therapy. Layla also shares insights on the value of investing in a coach and offers practical tips for finding the right one.

Takeaways

Coaching can help you break free from cycles of stagnation.

Having a coach provides accountability and support.

Life coaching is not just about giving advice; it's about guiding individuals to find their own solutions.

Coaching can enhance emotional intelligence and resilience.

It's essential to find a coach that aligns with your specific needs and goals.

Coaching is a powerful investment in personal growth and development.

Not everyone is ready for coaching; readiness is key.

Trust your instincts when selecting a coach.

Coaching differs from friendship in its professional structure and accountability.

The relationship between a coach and a client is built on trust and open communication.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Coaching and Personal Growth

02:43 Understanding Different Types of Coaches

05:35 The Science Behind Coaching

10:13 Is Coaching Right for You?

12:10 Benefits of Life Coaching

13:44 Coaching vs. Friendship

15:31 Understanding the Difference: Life Coach vs. Therapist

16:59 The Role of Coaches in Personal Development

21:34 The Importance of Having a Coach

23:03 Why Coaching Can Be Expensive

30:24 Identifying Who Might Not Benefit from Coaching

38:17 Finding the Right Coach for You

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Transcript

0:00

Have you ever felt like you're stuck in a loop? Constantly trying to move forward, just can't seem to move the needle Perhaps you've reached a point where you know there's more on this planet for you. There's something more out there for you, but you just can't quite seem to break free from the cycle you're in. Well, what if I told you that there's a way to uncover your hidden potential? and accelerate your personal and professional growth. a sports team. Picture your life like a sports team running around without a coach. They are. directionless, chaotic, there's a lot of adjectives we can throw in there. That's essentially what your life looks like. Or might look like, I shouldn't say it does. You might already have a coach. Anyway, so what I mean to say is that... Today we're going deep dive into the world of coaching. I know this is not just a shameless plug for me to push my coaching packages on you. In fact, and I mean this with the utmost respect, I probably don't want to work with you. Again, respectfully, I can't work with everybody. There are things that I can't do. And I will be the first to admit that and let you know if I can't. I do have a lot of friends that are coaches. I went through coach training with them and there's so many amazing people out there, my mentors and everything. So this isn't about coaching with me. I could care less whether or not you work with me. And again, I mean that in the nicest way possible. I for real, love you, but I don't always want to work with everybody. But I do want to explain how extremely important it is to have a coach. And whether that's me, a life coach, a sports coach, a health coach, a fitness coach, whatever kind of coach you have, you need someone to help you move the needle in life. And so today's episode is not just an hour long commercial for life coaching. That's not at all what we're doing here. It's about how to unlock your potential and how utilizing the services of a coach of any type can help you and give you the advantage that you need or that you're looking for. So we're actually going to talk about whether or not having a coach is right for you. The benefits of having one, what they can and can't do, we'll briefly skim over the different types of coaches and what you should look for when looking for a coach and the science behind why coaches are beneficial. We'll talk about what it is, why it works, and how it could be the game changer that you're looking for. We'll explore the benefits behind it. Who might benefit from it the most? and how to determine if it's even a right fit for you. Plus I'll share actionable tips on how to find the right coach, even if it's not me. Of course, we'll look into when coaching may not be the right answer for you. So let's get into it. For those of you who don't know, my name is Life Coach Layla and am a double Mindvalley certified life and business coach. am a trained facilitator of the six phase meditation systems focusing on forgiveness. I'm sorry, specializing in forgiveness. I'm also currently training in RTT, NLP and hypnotherapies. I'm a travel agent and a professional mermaid. So I wear all the hats, do all the things, and I... I genuinely here to take care of people, to help them, to help people take care of themselves. That's what I want to say. I will go to the end of the planet to help anybody who's willing and trying to help themselves. And if I can help you, I love that. That's why I'm doing this podcast. It's a self-help podcast, if you haven't figured that out yet. because I want to help as many selves as I can. So yeah, I do get a lot of questions though. People are constantly like, Layla what is a life coach? You just sit around and give everybody advice. You think you're so good at life that you know everything and you can tell people what to do and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just want to say that absolutely not. that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, most coaches are actually experts in their field. You find a lot of niche down, niche down, however you want to say it, niche down coaches in certain categories. Like I have a friend of mine who's a grief counselor. She focuses on specifically women who have endured child loss, whether pregnancy, post pregnancy, any of the things. That's a very niche down. community of people, but she is a very intelligent, educated person in the subject. So it's a perfect niche for her. Whereas I am more of a self-help guru. I was a course junkie. I've downloaded all the things. I've read all the books. I've talked to all the people. I have gone to all the seminars and the master classes and I've done all the things and I'm just constantly learning. and bettering myself and I feel like sharing this information with everybody is my calling. That's what I'm here to do is to learn all the things and break it down for you in ways that make sense and keep you from having to do hours and hours of research on your own. So I'm here to kind of simplify things for you one episode at a time, not to... Confuse that so much with my coaching. My coaching isn't really, there are a lot of different types of coaching. and each one of them serves a unique purpose in helping individuals reach their goals or their full potential. So like most life coaches are really personal development mindset confidence coaches. They focus on confidence and goal setting and overcoming limiting beliefs while your career and business coaches focus on. helping professionals and entrepreneurs be successful. And there's so many other types of coaches out there. You've got health and wellness coaches, your personal trainers, your dietitians, your nutritionists. They focus on everything from fitness to stress management to food. You've got relationship and communication coaches. They can help you with personal and professional communication skills. You have spiritual coaches, manifestation coaches. You've got performance coaches such as a voice coach or someone who coaches you in music or acting. I had a voice coach as a voice actress. you know, coaching isn't just about like having a life coach. It's what do you want to do and what do you want to move forward in? And how can you find the right person to help you do that is really. this whole episode is about. can leave now. We're good. We're done. That's what I meant to say. I'm kidding. But yeah, basically, you figure out what it is that you want to excel in, and we find a coach that helps you do that. It's basically all your niche down coaches, your... like your grief coach or your ADHD coach or your financial coach. There's a lot of different ways that you can niche down if you're in the coaching industry. There's also your more commonly known coaches like your sports coaches, your hockey coach, baseball, soccer, football, all those fun things. It's so common for us to see the athletes with coaches. And we think that coaches are just for athletes or high performers. And that's where you're partially right. In order to be a high performer, you need to have a coach in your corner. You need to have somebody, I like to say like your hype man, who's hyping you up, who's motivating you, who's helping you, who's holding you accountable, who's helping you figure out the right direction to go. A lot of times in your sports coaches, your coaches don't say do this, do that, do this. They consult with the team. They consult with the captain. What do you suggest? What about this? What is this? And they bring insights to the situation from an outside perspective that may not be an initial forethought in the captain or the team's mind. And it's essentially the same thing for any kind of Niche Down Coach. It's not about giving advice or telling you what to do. If you want advice, get an advisor. That's different. A coach is there to... to help you excel in whatever niche you've picked out. So like as a life coach, I focus on. shifting your mindset, changing your perspective, getting you to see things from a different point of view that you may not have thought about previously or ever. And it helps you uncover new thoughts, new ideas, new directions, new paths. Same thing for my career as a career and business coach. It's... It's not that I know everything about your business and I tell you what to do. No, I know a lot about business in general and I help you uncover what's best for your situation. kind of like a football coach doesn't ever have to play football in order to direct a team to be good at their game. So as a career coach, don't necessarily need to know anything about your business specifically to help you make the right decisions and uncover the best possible outcomes for your career. Now on the flip side, you would expect a vocal coach to have a good singing voice, to be able to sing, to carry a tune, to... show you by example that they're capable of doing what they're teaching you to do. just like you would expect a business coach to understand the needs of your business. As a business coach, I uncover things about your business specifically. ask questionnaires, we do reports, we get lots of information before we can coach in business. Because we both, need to know the business that I'm coaching. If I'm coaching a person, I need to know how to coach a person. If I'm coaching a business, I need to know how to coach a business. Does that make sense? Is the difference kind of there? I hope I explained that appropriately. So let's start by just getting into the science of coaching and what the science says about. about coaching in general. So yeah, before we get into the specifics of coaching, Let's look at some of research that backs up the benefits of coaching. And while coaching is still a growing field, there's been an astronomical amount of evidence to suggest that. coaching is showing a significant positive impact on a wide range of areas. From goal achievement to emotional resilience. A study published in the International Journal of evidence-based coaching and mentoring found that Coaching has a profound effect on... goal attainment, motivation and overall well-being. Participants who received coaching reported clear goals, increased focus, and a greater sense of direction. essentially life coaching helps you gain clarity on what it is that you truly want. So you can start taking action and. working towards it with intention and purpose. But it's not just about setting goals. It's about emotional resilience. A study conducted by the International Federation of Coaching, the IFC, found that found that people that work with a coach have reported improvements in self-esteem. Emotional Intelligence. and stress management. Life coaching provides tools and strategies to manage emotional challenges and build confidence. and shift limiting beliefs. ultimately supports long-term well-being. and looking into how life coaching helps improve performance, research has shown that Life coaching can boost individual and team performance. by helping people develop clear action plans? and strategies to reach their goals. A study from the coaching psychologist demonstrated that coaching helps individuals move beyond procrastination become more motivated. and stay on track with their goals. So how do you know if life coaching is a right fit for you? Coaching is beneficial for people who are looking for clarity. who want to stay accountable or break through mental or emotional barriers. and gain confidence. so number one is clarity and focus. Have you ever just felt like the sheer number of decisions that you have is. overwhelming and it's causing you to not be confident in what direction you need to go. A life coach can help you identify your core values. and goals which gives you the clarity and direction that you need to make informed decisions. that are aligned with your true desires. So number two is accountability and motivation. One of the biggest challenges people face when setting goals is staying on track. It's easy to get sidetracked, A life coach provides the accountability needed to stay committed to the goals that you've aligned with. They help you break down large tasks into smaller, manageable tasks, little bite-sized pieces. and it makes it easier for you to stay motivated and see progress. Number three is emotional intelligence and confidence. Another key benefit of coaching is emotional growth. Coaching supports the development of emotional intelligence. by helping you become more self-aware. manage your emotions, and improve how you relate to others. For many, this leads to greater relationships, more improved social skills, and a greater outlook on life. So in short, coaching provides. structure, support, and strategies to move forward with. confidence, clarity, and purpose. And I know what you're thinking right now. Okay, Layla, but like, how is that any different from my friends? said hype men and I found my hype men. You told me to get them in one of your other episodes and they're doing the same thing. Not really. Not, not really. Let me explain kind of a little bit more about the difference. So. Life coach is different from a friend because they provide unbiased. professional guidance. tailored to your personal growth rather than. emotional support or just casual advice. While friends may provide encouragement, they often bring their own opinions, biases and emotional investment into the conversation. I know this firsthand because I've tried to life coach friends and it doesn't work because. There's too much emotional investment there that I have a hard time stepping aside. And as a friend, I'm used to giving advice and as a life coach, I have to be mindful not to because I don't want to influence the outcome in any kind of way. I don't want my emotional input to outwardly influence my client because they might not have the same. emotional biases that I do. that makes sense, probably, I don't know, either way. So a life coach on the other hand is trained to ask powerful questions, challenge limiting beliefs and create a structured action plan to help you move forward. Additionally, a life coach will help hold you accountable in ways that most friends can't. They ensure you stay committed to your goals. and push you beyond your comfort zone rather than simply offering reassurance like a friend would. And while friends provide comfort and camaraderie, a life coach is there. to facilitate real change. personal transformation. and measurable progress. Okay, so. If that's the difference between a life coach and a friend, then what's the difference between a life coach and a therapist? I already have a therapist and life coaches are expensive and my insurance doesn't cover it. So what's the difference? And I want to say the key difference between a therapist and a coach is their approach. past traumas, emotional distress, mental health challenges, and psychological disorders. They focus on healing, emotional processing. and mental well-being. often diagnosing and treating certain conditions such anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Therapy is typically more reflective, exploring deep seated. patterns and emotions. a life coach focuses on the present and the future. build confidence, shift mindsets, create actionable strategies. for success. Coaches work with mentally healthy individuals. who want to improve their career, work, relationships. personal growth or habits, but need structure and accountability. So in a nutshell, a therapist looks at where you came from to get to where you are and. how to come up with healthy coping mechanisms moving forward, where a life coach looks at where you are currently and where you want to be and helps you build actionable strategies and find the steps to get to where it is you want to go. If that makes sense, hopefully I explained that well enough. So like therapy is often long-term and introspective. Coaching is results focused and action driven. designed to help individuals move forward and overcome obstacles. to reach their full potential. And there was an interview done by my amazing mentors, Rich Litvin and Marissa Peer, where Rich said that any good therapist and great coach is going to kind of blur the lines of boundaries. So a really good therapist will sort of be a good coach and a really good coach will sort of be a good therapist. And I don't want to say that to confuse too many people because there's two completely different circles, but when you're in the zone, there's a little gray area where you can be really good at both. And I'm not claiming to be that, and I don't know many people who are, but I would say those two people that I mentioned are both that, very much so. So when you get to that level in your career, there's a good chance that there's a little bit of both. So if you find a really good coach or therapist, you could have that. I personally suggest that you have one of each. I think everybody should have a therapist. I think everybody should have some sort of coach, whether it's a, like a doula is a, like a birth doula is a birthing coach. It's just a fancy way for it. A death doula is a death coach. It's a fancy way of calling it. There's a lot of different names out there for coaches that are, that are disguised as something other than what it is. Like, They're just a coach. You're managers. Well, a good manager is essentially a coach. So you've got, I was in management, I was in retail management for 20, over 20 years, and I considered myself a coach. And that was an easy transition for me to become an actual coach because I had been coaching all these years and not even realizing it. Like a good coach is someone who can lead and teach and. help you grow as a person. Nothing brought me more joy and satisfaction than hiring someone as a little part-time seasonal baby and watching them grow up and be their own store manager. Like, I love that so much. Like, that made me feel like a proud mama bird or, you know, whatever, even though I know that they worked and they did it and they weren't just handed things. They worked their butt off to get where they were. I just, felt like... if they had a different manager, they wouldn't have gotten as far, if that makes sense. I feel like I took place in that because I've left a lot of jobs because the management was trash. I've left jobs that I loved and paid me very well because I could not stand the management. And we're not going to get into all that today. I've done that in several other episodes. Essentially, all I'm saying is that there are a lot of different types of coaches that you might not even necessarily think of as a coach because coaches are everywhere. So no, I'm not just telling you to go get a life coach. I'm not just telling you to hire me as a life coach. I'm just telling you to look at your life and think about what it is that you're struggling with or wish that you had more guidance or direction or assistance in and then see if there's somebody that has already done it. The best coach for you is someone who has already done the thing that you want to do and can walk you through it. And there's nothing that says that you can't have a coach to help you through a certain challenge and then graduate to a different coach for a new challenge. I have definitely coached people who have outgrown me and that's so good for them because they're getting to a point in their lives and their careers that They're ready to move forward and they need some other trajectory or some other direction. And there's nothing wrong with that. I don't have any ill will or hard feelings. didn't hurt my feelings that they were like, I think you've taught me everything that you can and I'm ready to go. Like I love that. I feel like I've still done good. you hire a coach to help you through a specific situation if you hire a business coach to help you get your business off the ground up and running and you do that they help you accomplish that you don't necessarily need to keep them unless you know they're multifaceted and they can help you with different areas of your business which of course is wonderful and amazing but also if the only reason you wanted the coach was to help you get your business up and running and you did that then you don't need that coach anymore so it's not like it's a forever expense i do think It should be technically a forever expense, but it can go to different people for different reasons. So you should always have a coach. You should always have somebody in your corner and giving you that direction, that guidance, holding you accountable, doing all the things that you need to be successful in life. Because I promise you that everybody that's successful in life has some sort of coach. And this is just a funny thought that kind of popped into my head, but I think of like a lot of famous successful men who may or may not brag about having a coach, but they do brag about the woman that they have in their corner. And if you think for one second that your wives aren't coaches, that good wives, good wives who love and support their husbands. are good coaches. I shouldn't say such a blanket statement because there are... because there are definitely not good spouses or wives that are not good coaches. They don't have your best interest in mind. They're not looking out for you and you shouldn't listen to them. They shouldn't be giving you guidance and you shouldn't be taking advice from them or whatever. And they're not the type of coach that like you would get from a trained professional. But in the same token, they're still coaching. I keep thinking of the movie 300 where, know, He's having all these moments and these problems and the wife is very supportive and uplifting and there for him. And was she coaching? No. Could it be considered a type of coaching? Kind of. Is that what I'm talking about? Yeah. And I don't know, this just felt like something I needed to share with you because I think there's always somebody in your corner, some type of coach. Like I don't know anybody who's truly been alone and can claim their success was solely on them and no one else. I don't believe that. I digress. So why is coaching so expensive? So because it's expensive to be a coach. You get what you pay for is what I'm going to say. Are you going to go to a Groupon doctor because your legs dangling off and you want to save a couple bucks? Or do you want to go to like a top of the line specialist? You get what you pay for. So to be a real coach, there's certifications that need to take place. Those certifications cost money if you're a real coach. We'll get into like how you can determine whether or not someone's a real coach or whatever in a little bit, but. Basically, real life coaching certifications cost money to be members of things like, you know, the ICF, the International Coaching Federation or the European EMCC member of both. And that all costs money yearly. And you have to keep up with it and you have to renew and you have to get continuing education credits just like a hairstylist or someone in the insurance industry or any of your other like realist, like all of the things. that you don't necessarily need a college degree in, you have to get continuing education and it's expensive. It's also a personalized, tailored. high value support. for your unique goals and challenges. Like I said, I was a course junkie. I did all the webinars. I did all the things. But none of them helped me specifically. They helped a generalized, broad grouping of people. And so I was able to gather enough information and then make it my own and do what I needed to do based on that information. But when it came down to I got stuck, I was... like spinning and going nowhere and I didn't understand what was going on. And I bought one of the individual coaching programs and it was like, this is so different from all the different webinars and the coaching. courses and things that I was doing previously to have a specific tailored conversation with someone about my problem and what I needed and to have somebody help me find direction and guidance and make a game plan and hold me accountable was life-changing, absolutely life-changing. And so you get what you pay for is what I want to say essentially. But can I put a price tag on getting out of my own way and becoming successful? Can I put a price tag on? changing my perspective and seeing the whole world differently? I can't. So I'm glad that the person that coached me did. And a couple other reasons why it's so expensive is is you're getting real time feedback and accountability. So like I said, unlike all the courses and the self-help books and the guidance, I heard, what's his name? can't think of John. John Lee, okay. I was watching a seminar with John Lee the other day and he said, you can buy a self-help book, but if you never read it and you just put it on this shelf, it becomes a shelf-help book. And I don't know, that stupid dad joke just got me and I thought that was so funny because I am guilty of buying self-help books and then leaving them on the counter to rot. I feel like I've put a couple of them under my pillow, just like, I'm going to put this on my pillow and I'm going to read it tonight before I go to bed. And then I fall asleep and scroll and like my partner found my book under my bed. He's like, you trying to read this through osmosis? Like, I don't think that's how this works. It was just kind of a funny, just kind of a, it was just a joke, but yeah. So I've, I have many shelf help books and so. having an actual coach hold me accountable and if I tell my coach that I want to read 10 books a night, they're going to come back and be like, how many pages did you read since we last talked? What chapter are you on? And I'm going to be like, I did the thing. I missed Saturday and Sunday because I just wasn't feeling it. And they'll be like, awesome. OK. Blah, blah, yeah, it is expensive because you're getting one-on-one support and that should cost you money because the support that you get, you could be so successful. I've seen so many people completely change their lives for the better. And where they were five years ago and where they are now is... They're completely different humans and you can't put a price tag on that. coaching is expensive. Just expect it to be expensive. You get what you pay for. If you get a cheaper coaching package, you're probably with a less. a less qualified coach, which there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. Again, I've done a lot of practice coaching. I've done a lot of free coaching and I learned a lot and I definitely taught a lot. And most of my certifications, we did a lot of coaching each other in our pods or our groups or whatever you wanted to call it. And we learned a lot through coaching each other. We would have a coach, a coachee and an observer and each time those roles would change. And so we would do a coaching session and then afterwards we would give ourselves time for feedback and we would talk about, okay, here's what I would have suggested when you said this, maybe do this, not say this. As the observer and the coachee would give feedback to the coach and then the coach would be like, okay, I noticed I did this and I don't know why I couldn't let go of this and why I've even brought this up. you know, so there was a lot of feedback, but it was all really good coaching and it was... I don't even know why I'm talking about all this, but like, even though it was free coaching that we were doing for our certification and our training, it was still good coaching. We still learned a lot and we still call each other outside of the coaching classes and be like, hey, I really liked our session today. I would love to go deeper with you. Would you like to do a one-on-one zoom call with me sometime this week? and we would schedule practice calls. We're not charging because we all know where we are in the class. Like we are not at a level that we're capable of charging anybody at, but we would still continue to do one-on-one coaching when we would get more practice that way. And some of the coaching that I learned through fellow coaches was profound and completely transformational. So you get what you pay for. If you don't think you need a super expensive coach, you just want to try it out, dip your feet. I don't know if that's necessarily the greatest way because you might have a bad experience and I'd hate for you to have a not great experience and let that leave a bad taste in your mouth. Like I feel bad for a couple of the people that I free life coached before I really knew exactly what I was doing because I feel like I did them a disservice and they're like, well, if that's what life coaching is, then I'm never going to get a life coach. And I hope that they don't think that, but I also can't feel, can't help, but feel slightly responsible for that. But, And again, depending on the type of niche, the type of coach you're looking for, they might be in high demand. And usually the more advanced coaches are more popular and more in demand and come with a higher price tag. And some of them don't even offer one-on-one coaching anymore. So if you find a good coach and they offer one-on-one, get them while you can because it doesn't last very long. I'm getting ready to start group coaching. I still have one-on-one slots available. but I'm moving into more group-based sessions and that's kind of the standard evolution of a life coach's career or any kind of coach's career. Personal trainers will do one-on-one coaching and then they start teaching classes and things like that. It just kind of snowballs. And if you want to know if it's really worth it, really just depends on you. If you're truly committed to personal growth, and need clarity, structure, and accountability. coaching can be a powerful investment for you. and a great coach can help you achieve in months what it might take you years to do by yourself. However, it's not for everyone. If you're not ready to take action or you provide or you you prefer self-guided growth, coaching may not be the best fit for you. So let's break that down a little bit. Let's get into who might not benefit from coaching, right? While coaching is incredibly valuable for many people, it's not the right fit for everyone. There are people who are uncoachable, not forever maybe, but at least at the moment. And there are also certain situations where life coaching might not be as effective. and it's important to understand when and when it isn't the best solution. So let's talk about a few scenarios where life coaching might not be beneficial. If you have a lack of readiness for change, if you're not willing to change, If you're not willing to make changes in your life Coaching can only go so far. Coaching is most effective when you're open to new ideas, changes in perspectives. and embracing new strategies and routines. If you're in a phase where you're resistant to change, coaching might not yield the results you're hoping for. Like I mentioned earlier, in my practice phase of coaching, I learned a lot about who I did and didn't want to coach, who was coachable in my eyes, who I vibed with, who I wanted to coach, who I didn't want to coach, what kind of people I wanted to coach and didn't want to coach. There were a lot of scenarios and... and I worked with people that I didn't feel like I was qualified to work with. I worked with people that were resistant to change. I worked with people that wanted to stay in a victim mindset and everything that I said and did was met with excuses as to why they didn't want to embrace change and I worked with people that lied and made up stories. I worked with friends that were too close to me emotionally and made it extremely difficult for me to find the barrier between coach and friend. I couldn't remove myself emotionally from the scenarios to be the coach that they needed. and worked with people who didn't take me seriously and weren't interested in being held accountable. didn't want anyone to know that they didn't want to be vulnerable. They didn't want to open up. They didn't want to show me their shortcomings. They wanted to act like they knew what they needed to do and they just weren't doing it, which why? I don't know. I don't understand. But I know that those aren't the people that I want to work with. And so I'm not accusing any of you guys of being that. I'm just saying I learned a lot about the different types of people who are and aren't coachable. And again, if you're not coachable right now, it doesn't mean that you don't ever get a coach. You just have to make sure that you're ready for the things that come with being a coach. You can't just have a coach is going to tell you like, how many times do you tell your best friend, girl, he's toxic, leave him or you tell your buddy like, that girl is so crazy. I don't, I don't even get why you tolerate her. And They're like, yeah, I know, I should break up with them and then don't because they don't care about your advice. You can tell them till they're blue, till you're blue in the face. This person is no good for you. I can see it. It's toxic. It's draining. It's making you miserable. You're not the same person anymore. They've completely taken away my friend, my person. You're you're not okay. But they won't see it. It's not until they come up with that realization and the next time you guys are out and they're like, yeah, I finally broke up with so and so I just. I didn't realize how toxic she was and you just want to rip all your hair out and punch them in the face like I've been telling you for so long. And finally they get it. And it's because it doesn't matter what you tell them. It doesn't matter what you tell a lot of people. They have to come to the realization themselves. And that's why coaching isn't necessarily about giving advice. It's about directing the conversation so you come up with that realization yourself. And it's not. It's not manipulating the conversation. I don't care what you do, honestly. It's not up to me. I'm not leaning the conversation this way or this way. I'm not telling you to break up with them or stay with them forever. I'm directing you deeper into your own psychology to come up with the right decision based on your brain. Not my brain, not my thoughts, not my emotions, not my opinions, nothing to do with me. You, you get to be the decider. you get to make the decisions. don't think a decider is a real word. Anyway, man, I was on a roll. I sounded so smart for a while there, right? Anyway, but you get the picture. If you want to be coached, have to be willing to take action and make changes. If you don't, you are not good for coaching. It's not about someone doing the work for you or telling you what to do. It's about guiding you to take action. And if you're not willing to put in the work, if you're going to lie to your coach when they try to hold you accountable, then why are you wasting your time and your money? Why? Why are you wasting their time? So if you just want to constantly consume information and strategies and never actually implement them, coaching isn't for you. And I was guilty of that for a long time. Like I said, I was a course junkie I did all the things and I was terrified of one-on-one coaching because I didn't want to be accountable. I didn't want to have to do the things because I wanted to stay in information procrastination. I wanted to stay in my fear of failure. didn't want to be seen. I didn't want to put the effort into do something. So many people get stuck in this circle. And I think Alex Hermosy explains it best. Like you come up with this great idea and then you learn everything you need to know about doing things like, like say you want to be a life coach. You get excited about being a life coach. You go and you take your certifications in your classes and then you You want to do all the things. You get your business license. You get your website. You get your business cards. You do everything. And then when it comes time to like building a course or talking to people or selling yourself, you drop off. And then you come up with another idea. And then you just, get halfway through this circle every single time. And when it comes time to doing the hard thing, you drop off and you find something else to do. And I was stuck in that cycle for a long, long, long, long time. and the amount of things that I did and didn't do, it's sad. It's real sad. If I think of a couple of the things that I was really passionate about doing, but I let that fear of if I do the thing, if I put the effort in, if I do the hard part and I fail, that makes me a failure. And I attached myself to that label as opposed to instead of I'm not a failure, my idea failed. The thing I tried failed. How about it wasn't a failure, it could have been a setback. What was a lesson? What did I need to learn? So I tried the thing and it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. What can I do differently? How can I make it work the way I want it to? Take that failure as a lesson. And until I learned to do that, I just got stuck in that cycle. Having a coach, having someone hold me accountable and make me do the thing I didn't want to do is what essentially got me over that hump. It got me out of that cycle. It got me over that bubble. and got me into where I am today. And that's what this whole episode is, is having someone to hold you accountable to get where you need to go based on where you are and what you want to do. And if you're not willing to put in the work, you're not coachable. Coaching isn't right for you, at least right now. Again, coaching wasn't right for me then. It is now. I have a coat. All good coaches have a coat. Everybody has a coat. Everybody should have a coat. But yeah, ultimately coaching is a very powerful tool, only if you're willing to utilize it to its fullest potential. Okay, so we went through all that. You decided you're ready. You do want to coach. How do you find the right coach? So, like I said earlier, not all coaches are created equally. You need to find one that fits your niche and then find one that vibes with you. My oldest daughter went through 13 different therapists before she went back to her very first one that she had from childhood. She loved him, but then he was a child coach, or he was a child therapist. And as she grew up, was too old to go to him. So then she spent a lot of her early... adulthood, looking for therapists and talking to people and not really vibing or meshing with one. And then finally I reached out to the therapist office and was like, hey, so she's a past patient. She's grown now. She really vibed with him and really wants to continue services with him. Is that possible? And she was like, yeah, he got out of pediatric services anyway. He's taking adults. So she's not technically a new patient. We're not accepting new patients. But so she's already considered a patient. We can schedule her in the next Tuesday. and she's been seeing him for years and she's happy and I'm so happy for her. So I want you to know that it's okay if you like have a meeting. So with my coaching, I do a complimentary discovery call. So I will talk to you for up to an hour. It usually doesn't take that long, but it's usually about 30 minutes to an hour where we sit and we just have a conversation and I get to know you, what your problem is, what you're interested in having a coach for and see if we mesh. So I might be able to help you with. your situation, I might feel very confident that I can coach you through whatever it is that you're going through. But if I don't like you, I'm not going to work with you. And that's just the exact, if I don't like your attitude, I don't like your mentality, we don't vibe well, I'm just, I'm going to respectfully decline. And then also I could absolutely hands down love you, want to be your best friend. I think we mesh so well together, but I don't feel confident that I can help you with your situation. I'm absolutely going to send you to somebody else that I think can. And even if I don't like you or vibe with you, I'm still going to send you to somebody that I think can help you or will be more tolerant of whatever personality struggles we have. finding someone that you vibe with and you mesh with is so important because if we don't like each other, you're not going to trust me and you're not going to open up to me. So if you don't trust me, you don't open up to me. And if... If you don't do that, then there's no point in us being together because I can't help you unless you're willing to go deep. So finding someone is so important and it gets harder when you get down to the niche. you know, like my grief counselor friend, there's only so many in the area. And if you're local and you want to meet face to face, you don't have very many options. So you just got to pray that you guys get along or, you know, see if it works out. However, however you determine that. looks for you. And then maybe you don't niche down so tightly. Maybe you broaden grief counselors in general and you talk to someone who doesn't specialize in something, but they're more generalized, but you mesh with them well, you're going to get better results. And so when I say my 60 minute discovery call is getting to know you, you should probably know what it is you're looking for a coach for. You should have identified your goals, what your struggles are, what you want to do, where you want to go, or if that's where you're struggling. That's also. problem, but you need to identify what it is you're seeking solutions or help with. Don't come to the table like, yeah, I heard life coaches are cool and I just kind of want one. No. What specific area are you having a problem in? What would you like to see different in your life? So just kind of have a good idea of what you want. coaching for in your life and that'll help you figure out what kind of coach you need in the first place. You can come to a life coach if you have weight issues and you want mindset shifts, I'd be more than happy to help you with that. But I think ultimately going to see a health and wellness coach who focuses on mind and body might be better fit for you. You know, just... little things like that. But if you've gone through all the health and wellness coaches, you don't like your attitude, you don't like their programs, you don't like their whatever, you want to see what working with the life coach can do, let's give it a try. And as much as I hate to admit that coaching is one of the most under-regulated systems in America, or maybe even Europe too, maybe even the planet, I don't know. Because there's so many people that are like, yeah, I'm a YouTube coach because I made a million dollars on YouTube last year, so now I know the algorithms and I can teach it to you. And then they claim to have all these tips and tricks and tools and they give them to you, you pay a pile of money and you make zero dollars on YouTube and none of their stuff works. There's nobody stopping them saying you can't really call yourself a coach. And so a lot of people might have been burned in the past from something like that and they don't trust coaches now because it's so under regulated that anybody could call themselves a coach quite literally. So when you're looking at a coach for something specific, especially if you're looking at like a business coach and you're going to be dealing with millions of dollars, you need to make sure that their certifications are legit. I met with a local company and we talked about the different types of coaching certifications I had and the EMCC and the ICF all came up and it was like, yep, yep, check, check. Because they want to make sure that they're working with legitimate coaches and that's completely understandable for a business to want to undergo that. But I think it's also just as important for an individual. to know that they're working with someone who's had proper training and didn't just go to Fiverr and read a page and now they're an expert in something. And it's not just about going through professional standards and learning skills. Like there was a lot of learning that I did. Like I thought, because I, all my friends came to me and talked to me and I was the one that gave everybody advice and helped them with their life challenges that I was just a great coach. And then I did my coach training and I'm like, this is not at all what I've been doing my entire life. So learning the proper training and professionalism and I said ongoing education and everything was just like such a game changer. It's way different than what I initially thought I was getting into, but I learned so much more for the better to help go deeper with people. So I just, love that essence of it. so yeah, make sure that they have the proper certifications and training before you splurge on high level money for them. And like I said earlier, you look for specific niches, their specializations. Are they 10 steps ahead of you? Are they where you want to be? Did they go through what you're going through right now? A lot of times when coaches are advertising to people, they talk about your pain points. Like, are you tired of struggling with X, Y, Z? Then I've got this solution for you. And I know that sounds super cheesy, but if they say, you struggling with XYZ? And that's exactly what you're struggling with. And they say, I was too. Then that means that they know how to overcome your obstacles. They can help you see through those challenges and see the next steps and come up with those game plans. So when you're looking at a specialization of a niche or someone who's in a coaching field, are they where you are? Have they overcome that? Because and are they where you want to be? That's my favorite because if I want to learn from someone, I want them to be where I want to be. I'm like, I want to be where you're at. I want you to teach me things. And that's my favorite as far as what I'm looking for someone to coach me. You can also read reviews and testimonials. A lot of coaches, webpages, things like that will have clients say, yeah, this person was amazing. They helped me with this. They did this, whatever the situation is. So reviews are super helpful. I read reviews on Amazon before I buy something to make sure it's legit. So reading a couple of reviews on a life coach is kind of the same thing. Again, you can do the one-on-one consultations. Most coaches will provide some sort of complimentary coaching because if they're good coach, they probably don't work with everybody and They need to make sure that their style resonates with you because coaching is built on one-on-one communication. It's built with trust and confidence and... Like I said, you have to vibe well. They have to be empathetic and encouraging. they have to challenge you in a way that makes you feel motivated and not attacked. So like there's a lot of different specifications and having that complimentary conversation with them will help you get to know whether or not this is a good fit for both of you. And then always trust your gut. Everybody's got great gut instincts for the most part. If you're talking with someone, then they sound super overly animated and cheesy and fake. And you're like, absolutely not. That's biggest, most off-putting thing for me is if I'm talking to someone and I feel like you're rehearsing, like you're acting. If I need to go deep with you, I need to be my authentic version of me. So I need you to be your authentic version of you because my authentic person doesn't want to talk to your representative. I don't want to talk to the fake version of you. I want to talk to the real version of you. We need to both be open, honest, and real. And if I feel like you're being fake, I will not partake in further conversations with you. And that's just my own personal preference. Like, I try to keep it so real most of the time that if I feel like you're rehearsing or you're just saying something to try to sell me, I'm not interested. I see through your bullshit immediately and I'm just, I'm so off put. We're not, we're not moving forward past that. So go with your gut. If your guts like, isn't a good fit. I don't want to spend this money. I don't trust this person. Don't, don't. had a client tell me that they had had a great conversation with someone and something just seemed a little bit off, but this person had all the right things to say, had the right words, knew exactly what they needed. They paid them and that person disappeared. Off the face of the earth. Nothing. Everything's gone. So trust your gut. And I think that's enough information for today, don't you think? I mean, we kind of went over the science behind coaching, why everybody needs a coach, some of the different types of coaches, why you may or may not actually be coachable, and how to determine the right coach is for you. So I hope you found value in this today. I love and appreciate you and thank you for being here. Please like, share, subscribe, leave a review, do all the things. Again, I love you and thank you so much. Again, let's go do life with guidance. Bye.