Triggers, Trust, and Transformation: Navigating Love Languages

Summary

In this episode of the Do Life podcast, host Layla Dawn delves into the concept of love languages, exploring how they impact relationships across various domains, including romantic partnerships, friendships, and professional interactions. Layla breaks down the five love languages as defined by Dr. Gary Chapman, discusses the psychological and neurobiological underpinnings of these languages, and offers actionable advice on how to apply this knowledge to strengthen emotional connections. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding both one's own love language and that of others to foster deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Takeaways

Understanding love languages can bridge emotional gaps.

There are five love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

Childhood experiences shape our love languages and emotional triggers.

Words of affirmation can be powerful but may trigger past traumas.

Quality time can be as simple as being present with someone.

Acts of service can show love in practical ways.

Receiving gifts is about the thought behind the gesture, not the cost.

Understanding love languages can prevent misunderstandings in relationships.

Neurobiology shows that love languages activate our brain's reward system.

Compromise is key when love languages differ between partners.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Love Languages

01:15 Understanding the Five Love Languages

09:26 The Psychology Behind Love Languages

12:57 Neurobiology and Love Languages

14:12 Social Learning and Love Languages

14:32 Understanding Love Languages and Their Impact

15:44 Healing Unmet Needs Through Love Languages

19:18 Navigating Triggers and Emotional Distance

23:41 Applying Love Languages in Different Relationships

29:27 Overcoming Challenges in Relationships Using Love Languages

Links

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www.layladawndoeslife.com

Certified Life and Business Coaching

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Bioptimizers

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100087296620862

Mermaid Division

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Transcript

0:08

Hi friends, welcome to the Do Life podcast. I'm your host, Life Coach Layla, and today we're gonna be talking about something that I find very challenging, and that is love languages. And I will promise you I never pretend to be an expert on relationships. That is not something I will ever claim. But I have done a very deep dive into this topic specifically for my own personal use, not just in romantic partnerships, but you can use this in your professional life and your friendships and with your family. So. understanding how people Give and receive love. can bridge emotional gaps and strengthen your bond. So in this episode, We'll break down each love language with real life examples. We'll explore the psychology, science, and childhood roots behind them. We'll discuss what happens when needs aren't met. and how to potential triggers. Last but not least, we'll share some actionable... advice for applying love languages in various types of relationships. So let's get started. So before we get into the science and the breakdown and why it's important to have love languages in your rear view, basically, why it's important to know these things and how to implement them into your relationships, let's talk about what they are. What are the five love languages and what you need to know about them? Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages and he explains how There are five unique ways that people express and experience love in a relationship. So let's walk through each one. The first one is words of affirmation. And it's as simple as saying kind words. Something along the lines of, I'm proud of you, I love you, you make me so happy, I'm so glad that we're together. Or, you're a great partner, you're a good boss. Or, I really value our time together. I value our friendship. Words. Just words. That's pretty simple. So words of affirmation is basically any kind of compliment or expressed emotion, kind words of encouragement, basically. Next is acts of Service. in an act of service is action that uses someone's burden, like cooking a meal or cleaning the house or taking care of the kids so your partner can go take a bubble bath and relax or anything, any kind of act of service. If you're talking about a career, it could be helping a person with a project that has a late deadline and is going to stay all night until it gets done. If you're a good colleague and you genuinely care about that person, you could do those things or something along those lines. So the third one is receiving gifts. It's thoughtful gifts. It's not... It's not about the materialism, more so the meaning behind the gesture. if some back in the day, my gosh, my age is showing, we used to make mixed tapes for our friends and family and people we love. I actually have like two or three tapes that were made for me by ex-boyfriends, which is just, it's kind of funny. It didn't cost anything, know, a cassette tape was a dollar. 50 back then if that maybe was like a dollar fifty for a five pack or something and then they would just sit and listen to the radio and when they played a song that you liked you ran to the boombox real quick to press record Half of my listeners probably don't even know what a boombox is or a cassette tape and they can't, most of them don't even listen to the radio. So man, my age is showing, but I'm just gonna keep talking. Anyway, it didn't cost them anything to make this, but it was the time and effort that they put into making the gift. I'm a big proponent of receiving gifts. That is definitely one of my love languages. have a bucket in my laundry room. I have two. One says stuff and things. And I joke about my love languages being stuff and things. Buy me stuff and give me things. Or do stuff for me or do things for me. So acts of service and gifts are my love languages. There's the thing that you know about me now. But yeah, so receiving gifts, doesn't have to be big lavish gifts, although it can be. But it doesn't have to be something just as simple as I was thinking about you today and I got you this or this thing reminded me of you. So I bought it for you or, anything like that, something that. Reassures the person that you were thinking about them and that you love them. So fourth is quality time, and that's spending undistracted time together. my kids call it body doubling, where they'll just lay in bed together and play on their phones and not really have any kind of communication other than like a little giggle and a share of a meme or a video or something, and that's it. There's not a lot of communication, and I don't think that's very un... undistracted, but they find it very meaningful. Like they're spending time together as far as they're concerned. Like they are just going to be sitting in their room, vegging out, playing on their phones anyway. So if they're doing it together, they find that spending time together. We'll all sit in the living room and play on our phones. And that's our veg time, our chill time. So we're not, you know, it's not like we should be doing something else, but we're all going to be doing the same thing at the same time. We can do it together. So we'd sit in the living room. and we'd all just sit and play on our phones and giggle and share a meme or a video or something. And that was the thing until it was time to make dinner or do something else. And we've we found that as spending quality time together because how many families is separated in there all in their own rooms and everybody's in their own area of the house, not spending time together. So any kind of quality time with a person, could look like. sitting on a couch playing on a phone. could look like staring lovingly into each other's eyes. It could look like going to the grocery store together or the gas station together. My partner's love language is quality time and it's so annoying to me because I mean that in the most loving way. But I really want to Like I think divide and conquer. Okay, you go to the store. I'm going to prep the house. I'm going to do the thing. So I feel like our time could be better utilized doing different things. But because I know that his love language is spending quality time that me running to the gas station or grocery store with him means so much more to him than me accomplishing something in the 20 minutes it takes. It's a pick and it's a, it's a given take. Yeah. Sometimes I'm like, no dude, I got to, I got to get this stuff done. Like, you're capable of going by yourself. It's not a matter of him being capable, it's a matter of him like wanting to spend that time with me. So I try to be mindful of that even though quality time is not one of my love languages, it's very low on my list of things that I would prefer. But because I know that it's his, I go out of my way to be accommodating and love him the way that he needs to be loved. That's just something to be mindful of when you're thinking of these love languages and how you can apply them in romantic relationships or partnerships or friendships or how whatever Just little things like that. Like even if it's not high on your list, it's Probably high on theirs and there's some challenges that will arise with that and we'll get into that a little bit later. I'm I'm too distracted. Okay, so where were we? Quality time. Yeah, so spending quality time with your person can look however simple, meaningful, just... I have a friend of mine who would come sit in the bathroom with me and she would sit on the toilet and just like talk to me while I was taking a shower or whatever. Not like she was doing anything on the toilet even if she did I didn't care. There was times. But she just wanted to spend time with me. She just wanted to be next to me and talking to me and having a conversation. A long distance phone call with someone you haven't seen in a while. A simple text message is technically considered spending quality time with someone. If you're taking time out of your day to interact with that person, that is quality time. And if that's somebody's love language and you're going out of your way to spend that time with them, that speaks volumes. And last but not least is... Physical touch, hugs, kisses, massages, pets. pat on the back, a good job, something along those lines are considered physical touch and acts of love, which is why sexual harassment in the workplace became such a thing and is defined by any kind of unwanted touch. Because if you're trying to show an act of love to someone who doesn't want that love, it's really hard to... I don't want to talk about any of that. we'll get into the opposite of love languages here in a little bit, but that would explain why physical touch or the act of any unwanted touching became so appropriate. in workplace harassment because so many people take that too far. So understanding your love language and other people's love languages can prevent misunderstandings and help build deeper connections. Like I said, my partner wanting me to go to the gas station seemed so... challenging for me to understand but I realized how much it meant to him I like my alone time where he likes to be buddied up with someone. And that's just our differences. I don't know if you know what a twin flame relationship is, but I'm in one and it's terrible because he's the exact opposite of everything that I want. And it's triggering. I might just edit that out because it's not what we're here for today. Anyway, so now that we know the five love languages, let's get into the psychology and the science. So why do we have different love languages? there's an attachment theory. Attachment theory is basically how we formed bonds with our caregivers as children. shapes how we experience love. For example, if you lacked verbal affirmations as a child, you might crave them as an adult. Second is your unmet needs. Childhood needs that go left unmet can cause an emotional void. For instance, someone who didn't receive a lot of physical attention might yearn for physical touch as an adult. Conversely, some unmet needs may turn into triggers, So as a child, I was constantly lied to and manipulated. So words of affirmation are more of a trigger to me, especially if they're just words without applied actions. So my current partner, I hate to keep bringing him up, but this is is relational and we'll talk I'll talk about more personal things as far as like Professionalism and stuff too, but this is just there So whatever but one of his love languages is words of affirmations. He loves to hear about What a good job he's doing how much I love him and care for him or you know any of those things so words of affirmations one of his love languages And when you have a love language, you tend to love other people with your love language, even if that's not how they want to be loved. And we'll get into that a little bit later too. But if your love language, like my love language is gifts and things. So I am always doing things for my friends and my kids and my family and my partners and my work relationships, because that's how I want to be loved. So that's how I automatically show love until I learn how. They want to be loved and then that's a little different. And like I said, we'll get into that a little bit later right now. We're still on the science and I just wanted to talk about how triggers work because if your needs went unmet as a child and that is somebody else's love language and they give those things to you, it might show up adversely. So when my husband tries to give me words of affirmation, I would do anything for you. I love you so much. I would give you the world a blah, blah, blah, blah. But then doesn't, it's a trigger because as a child I was lied to, I was manipulated, I was told a bunch of things that never came to. So when as an adult I'm being told things that don't show up or don't ever come to fruition, I'm triggered and it has an adverse effect of what you want it to be. And that's just my personal experience. I'm sure that you have some of your own when you think about it. you do a deep dive into the five love languages and you figure out which ones are yours. A lot of times we'll have multiple love languages. Again, I like acts of service and gifts, but some people might like all five and that's great because then it means it's easier to love you and that you're more appreciative of all of the things. And that's not a good thing or a bad thing. Because if you are very equally divided between all five love languages, then anytime anybody does anything, you see that as an act of love. And you may find it harder to pinpoint what their love language is and what they need from you. Again, we're getting a little too far off topic. We're talking about unmet needs and that was a trigger for me. So of course I'm going to ramble on about that. But now you know, now you know the things. So yeah, your unmet needs as a child may show up as a trigger or a love language. or an opposite love language, just depending on your psychology. And again, there's nothing right or wrong about what happens. It's just your individual makeup. So let's talk a little bit about the neurobiology behind the love languages now. So your... Love languages tap into our brain's reward system. Physical touch releases oxytocin. Oxytocin, I don't know how to say that word. It releases oxytocin in the brain. It's the... It's the bonding hormone. Wall words of affirmation. trigger dopamine, the feel-good transmitter. while we're on neurobiology, this is gonna be kind of a segue between your brain and social. But when we're talking about your brain, your hippocampus, It's a part of the brain that's involved in your memory. And it links emotional experiences from childhood to present day feelings of love and emotion. if someone associates verbal criticism with pain. they might subconsciously prioritize words of affirmation as an adult. to kind of counteract those memories. And then Your amygdala is the brain's emotional processing center. and it associates love language with feelings of safety or threat. For example, someone who lacked physical affection might find touch comforting because it signals security and warmth. So social learning is also something that we can talk about real quick. And it's basically the idea that Children learn how to give and receive love based on observing their caregivers. So if a child saw their mother make their father dinner and give him the big steak and hugging Kissim on the cheek when she delivered his plate, they might associate that with the love language and grow up to... develop these same preferences or the opposite. may internalize that acts of service are how we primarily show love. So while we're on social sciences some other behavioral reinforcements are like positive. experiences with a specific love language. for instance, if receiving positive words of affirmation. consistently boost self-esteem. It strengthens the association between verbal praise and feelings of love. in a romantic relationship, Partners often reinforce each other's love language preference. when a partner meets someone's love language needs, it strengthens the bond and forms a deeper connection in that relationship. And I know I've said that before, but it's so important. And not just in a romantic aspect, but when you're in a friendship dynamic and you learn how your friends like to be loved. It shows that you care and it helps you create that deeper bond and form that more meaningful relationship with someone. And then I also forgot to mention when we were on neuroplasticity that the brain's ability to adapt and form new patterns. suggests that practicing new love languages can help rewire emotional connections Even if certain needs were left unmet as a child. So you can heal someone's unmet needs as a child by meeting their needs as an adult and learning their love language is the easiest way to do that. So it can serve as a correctional, it can serve as a corrective emotional experience and actually help someone heal from past traumas. abuse or neglect. So, I mean, if you actually care about somebody, why wouldn't you want to learn how to love them? And also by exploring your own love languages might help gain some insight to your own unmet needs as a child or other influences and how they've impacted or affected your relationships as an adult. And with that being said, it's also just as equally important to pay attention to the triggers in a relationship from somebody else's. opposite love language. So maybe pay attention and just be mindful of how sometimes your love languages might be a trigger for someone else's. I gave the example earlier of how words of affirmation are a trigger for me because of my unmet needs as a child. it's just, it's doing the opposite of what you want it to do, even if that's your love language. So this is why I'm having this episode, because I think it's just so important for us to understand how to build better relationships and be more involved for our person. And it's really hard when you're going out of your way to find your person's love languages and explain the things to them and it's not being met. So you can't try not to hold this against anybody because if you know after this episode you're gonna be an expert on love languages and you can't just assume that the person that you want to love you the right way is. So having these conversations and letting them know, hey these are triggers or this is how I want to be loved or how do you want me to love you or just look at this in your own relationships. So I look at like my my two closest friends and I know exactly like what their love languages are and what their triggers are. One of them, actually most of my friends now that I think about it, don't want to be touched. And I'm a big hugger. I got a lot of love from my grandma when I was little. like she was really one of the only people that made me felt truly loved. as a child, I... And she was very affectionate. Grandma gave the best hugs ever. You can ask any of my cousins. I associate with that physical touch as love because that was the only time I felt love was when I was in my grandma's arms. And... I want to hug my friends so bad because I love them and I want to show them I love them, but I know that physical touch is a trigger for most of them. So I will always ask if it's okay to hug them because they also love me and know that I love, like, It's just like me going to the gas station when I don't really want to go to the gas station, but I'm doing it just because I know my husband's love language is quality time. Them letting me hug them is because they love me and they know that I want to love them by hugging them. So it's a give and take in the relationship. And that's just in like our friendship dynamic. And it's amusing, but it's fun to know that like we all know what our triggers are and what our love languages are. And we're respectful and mindful of that. And So I don't want to just keep bringing this up in like romantic situations. It's it's integral in a friendship. Like again, most of this is to make deep meaningful bonds with someone. And if that is your end game, then this is almost like a cheat sheet of how you can get close to someone and learn how to be there for them by learning how they want you to love them. And if you care enough about someone, you're going to want to do that. So I give this example of how me and my friends, understand each other's love languages and we don't, I don't want to say we go out of our way to accommodate, but you know, we're mindful of it. So when your needs aren't being met, the negative impact can be so significant. So it can create a big emotional distance. If your love language isn't being met, then you're going to feel like the person doesn't love you or care about you. You know, I've seen relationships where... People are like, I love them with my whole heart, with every fiber of my being. I love them so deeply, truly, madly. But the problem is, you're not loving them how they need to be loved. You're loving them the way you want to be loved. You're loving them the way you want to love them, but you're not loving them the way they need to be loved. And when that's the case, their emotional needs aren't being met. and they're going to feel distanced because they're not going to feel like you actually love them. And even if you don't know what love languages are, you've never seen this episode before, you... You still need to be mindful of the partner that you're with and the person they're with and how they want to be loved. Like, just because your last person wanted flowers and candies and chocolates doesn't mean your next person is going to love those things. And I feel like most people gravitate towards the same dynamic of relationship because it's familiar and comfortable and they understand that. And and then they complain that it's the same. You go for the same dead end job and you gravitate towards the same terrible bosses because it's familiar and it's comforting So yeah, you can't do the same thing for each relationship that you've been in and expect it to work out. You need to figure out what that person wants and needs individually. And if you're not doing that, then why are you in this relationship? What are you giving to the relationship? Yes, you're giving your all, but you're not really thinking about the other person involved. And that's where most problems lie. And I can't tell you how many other relationships I see end. like, well, I don't know, I did this and this and this and I did all the things right and I don't know what's wrong. So I know so many of my male friends have had this exact conversation with me where they've been in a committed relationship with someone and then that person leaves and they're like, I don't understand why they left. Everything was so good. No, you weren't listening. You weren't loving them the way they needed to be loved. When they would tell you what they needed from you, you would do it for a week or two weeks and It wasn't, your behavior didn't change. You weren't loving them the way they needed to be loved and that's basically what it boils down to. And I'm not gonna go into a whole different tangent. There's so many different relationship advices and everything everywhere. I'm just sticking to the love languages because that's what I know about. I'm not going pretend I know anything about anything else. Okay. So we're getting back to the unmet needs and how it can cause an emotional distance. It can cause resentment and miscommunication. partners, family members, friends, coworkers can misinterpret each other's intentions and that can lead to frustration. So for example, if a partner's love language is physical touch and they need physical touch, they may feel rejected if their partner avoids touching them, even if it's unintentionally. If your boss's love language is acts of service and you show up and do the bare minimum, clock in and leave, they might think that you don't appreciate them or you don't appreciate their job. And that's not saying that you need to go above and beyond to show your boss that you love them. But if you love the job and you love what you do and you love where you work, it's just helpful information to have and something to be mindful of. And then of course when your needs go unmet for long periods of time, it can cause detrimental irreversible effects in the relationship. It can cause a big disassociation. Withdrawal, insecurities, disconnects, things that can't be repaired. So identifying your unmet needs early and consistently can help repair, rebuild, and strengthen the bond between relationships. So let's talk a little bit about how to apply love languages into different dynamics of relationships. So obviously in a romantic relationship. If your partner wants quality time instead of going to the gas station with them or running errands or tasks, you can schedule 30 minutes every night where we just have a conversation and we talk and we cuddle or whatever. So schedule time to spend with them if it's something that they... prioritize and you make it a priority, it shows that you love them. You're actually loving them the way they want to be loved and you're putting in the effort to do so, which is tenfold. So be mindful of your partner and what their love languages are and aren't and any adverse effects of the opposite. like are any of the love languages triggers for them. So knowing these things are going to help strengthen and build that bond between the two of you. in a family relationship, so like siblings. If your sibling has a love language of words of affirmation, sending them a text and saying that you love them and you miss them is going to speak volumes and show that you care and that you love them and you're going out of your way to love them the way they need to be loved and that shows them that you love them and you're not just saying it. And then of course you want to obviously tailor to the dynamics of the relationship. So my oldest and youngest will absolutely bully each other to no end. And it is hilarious. But that's their love language. We often joke if they're not being mean to each other, they're actually mad Like if they're being nice to each other, And I know that a lot of relationships are like that. It's kind of funny. tailor your efforts to the personality and dynamic of the relationship. It's more fun that way anyway. And also shows that you care and you're putting in the effort. So in friendships. Like I said, my love language is receiving gifts. I was having a really bad day. was having a really bad, I was having a bad, I was going through it, all right, y'all? And I just said I was just gonna live in the basement and rot and die. And I was being overly dramatic because I was upset about a lot of things. And one of my good friends came over and she brought me cold brew coffee. So not only did she like, bring me a gift, which I wouldn't have cared if it was just like a plastic duck. Like the fact that she brought me a gift would have made me so happy. But the fact that she brought me like one of my favorite things was so over the top. And it was just a simple act of service. She lives 10 minutes away. So for her to drive down my street and put a container of coffee on my porch just showed me so much that she cares and she loves me and that she understands my love language even if we've never had a conversation about love languages and she doesn't know that that's my love language. She knows that that's a thing that I appreciate and she did that for me. that strengthens our bond as a friend because I'm going through this whole depression and I'm just like, I feel loved. I feel seen and I feel loved. And at the time I did not. It meant a lot and I'm totally gonna give her this shout out on the podcast because I gave her a shout out on social media and I don't think that was enough because it was such a simple act but it meant the world to me and the place. And then of course in a professional relationship, I know I said this earlier a little bit, but like if your colleague has a love language of acts of service and you help with the project or you take a little bit off of their plate just to do something, it shows that you care. It doesn't mean that you're trying to be romantically involved with them or build a budding friendship. Like we all have our work wives and husbands and our work besties. And it's so crazy when I think about you know, I worked with for years and I knew everything about their life like the nitty-gritty, the divorce, the cheating, the lying, the scandals, and now we don't talk. Like the second they leave that job, it just communication just... distances. Now there's some of them I'm still like we're connected on social media, but it's not the same thing. It's not the same thing at all. Like I don't know their details. I don't know their gossip. I don't know their dirt. Like I try to follow on the socials, but sometimes I'm like, y'all getting divorced? Like you were madly in love last time I checked. I wonder what happened. So it's just kind of funny. But when you're working with someone, you want to build those strong bonds and have a partner and have a person that's there for you. and recognize boundaries, because again, they're going to have triggers too. And the way you want to love people may not be the way that they want to be loved and it may not be received well by some people. especially in a professional setting, make sure that you're being respectful of boundaries. Again, if you want to hug everybody, I want to hug everybody. I know at work I can't hug everybody. Sometimes I can. Like my job as a travel agent, so I'm an independent agent at the mermaid division of ambassador travel and cruises. and when I go to the office, so like I get paid individually from the people in the office, but the people in the office have been around for 50 years and they train me and teach me if I have any questions they're there for me and they help me and we all, we're all just like a big happy family. So when I go there, I'm absolutely gonna hug everybody because I love them and that they reciprocate, like they want to hug me too and. And I understand that that's okay in that workplace, but in my role as a life coach, when I meet with my people, I cannot hug them. because I feel like that is a boundary that is just set in my role as a life coach. As much, well I'm lying, I do hug a couple clients, that's wrong. I just lied to all of you. I absolutely hug my coaching clients. But I love them. It's hard not to. When you get in the deep inner workings of someone's brain and how they think and then you change their lives dynamically, it's hard not to. to love them and get loved by them and have that. I will say newer clients, I'm not just gonna run up and hug. How about that? So my new clients, I don't just go hug as soon as they walk in the door, even though I want to most of the time. I know that's a boundary. So I said all of that to say know your boundaries and your limitations in the workplace, what you can do, what you can't do, what's received well, what's causing a trigger, and just be mindful of that. So the next thing I want to discuss and help you be a little bit more mindful of is how to overcome challenges in the relationship. I know we kind of briefly discussed this earlier and this is when I said we'll get into it later, now is later. But when it comes to challenges in the love languages. when you're with someone who has a mismatched love language. It's important to find the Find the balance. the compromise. If your partner really wants to spend quality time with you, but your love language is acts of service, then maybe hold their hands while you're doing something for them. Like again, I mentioned my partner really likes quality time and I really like to be productive. So I will bring my laptop to the couch where he's sitting and watching football or TV or whatever sports. I will sit on the couch and with my laptop and you know, I'll put my feet up on him or I'll lay my head on his lap while I'm working, but I'm still being productive. I'm still doing what I want to do, but I'm giving him the love that he wants. So that's kind of my compromise. So when you're with someone that has a mismatched love language, where can you compromise? And same thing, like I said, in my friendships, where I want to hug everybody and they absolutely don't want to be hugged, I don't always get to hug them. And that's fine, I understand that. The one time my friend was having a really bad day, she walked in and was just like, not having it. I'm not gonna go hug her. because I know that is the opposite of what she needs. And even though your instinct might just be like, you're having a bad day. I love you. I'm your friend. Mommy hug you and make you feel good about it. When someone is triggered by that, then the last thing that you're going to console them with is a hug. I stood there because I was like, I want to hug her, but I know she doesn't want to hug. And while I was trying to figure out what I could do to console her, another friend came and was like, hey, do you want to do this, this, and this? And she was like, yeah, absolutely. And I was like, OK, so she's got it. You know, good. I'm glad that that happened. But knowing where you're mismatched in your dynamics and figuring out where your compromises are and knowing when it's OK to compromise and when you shouldn't. So like right now I am recording a podcast. If my husband wants to spend quality time with me, obviously he cannot. And that is a time that he shouldn't try to compromise. He can't just come like sit on the floor, sit next to me or behind me and like wave and be my hype man. That'd be funny, but it's weird and we're not going to do that. anyway, So when you're trying to learn someone's love languages, can feel unnatural. again, I bring up my partner whose love language is words of affirmation. And while that's a trigger for me, I also know that that's something that he needs to be reciprocated from me to feel loved. So I... when I started saying like, I'm really glad that we're together or I really like our relationship dynamic. All of that sounded so weird and cheesy and it was such a struggle to get out the words to say to him. I knew that that was his love languages and I wanted to be there for him so I learned how to do it. But that is something that you're going to struggle with. Again, my friends don't just openly hug me. It's something they struggle with. It doesn't feel natural. It feels weird and awkward. it's normal. It's normal if it's not just something that you're automatically gravitating towards or that you feel so comfortable with, especially if the opposite is a trigger for you. So that's hard and that's okay. It's normal. And then again, sometimes your needs change. Sometimes I would much prefer acts of service than gifts. If we're throwing a party and I need to clean the whole house, I would much rather that you come home and pick up the broom as opposed to show up and bring me some flowers. Like yeah, that's great, but that's not what I need right now. So again. being mindful of your partner's needs overall first and foremost should be like the most important thing, but knowing when the love languages are appropriate. if I would really, I think that's just like the greatest example is if your partner needs acts of service and you're doing something else, that's not, know, like if my, my kid's crying, I know their love language is physical touch, so I'm going to hold them and hug them and love them and let them know that I'm there for them. And if their love language is not gifts of receiving gifts, or even if it is, and I bring them a gift and they're sad and all they want is a hug, I'm not meeting their needs. So knowing what the needs are and when they change and what takes president, like I said, there's some people that have. an equal level of all five. They love all of the love languages and any of them are appropriate and going to make them feel loved. But with that being said, it's easy to love them because there's so many ways to love them. They embrace and appreciate all of it. But those needs are definitely going to fluctuate a little bit more as someone who has like two or one. And again, just knowing when it's appropriate and what's changed. If someone's crying and they just need to be left alone or they just want to be validated and you bring them a gift, it might not be received well and then you're gonna be upset because you went out of your way to do something for someone And the appreciation wasn't there because it wasn't what was needed at the time. And this just goes for everything, not just your love languages, but life in general. If you're with a partner and knowing what they want and what they need is integral. Whether we're talking about love languages or just anything, it's just knowing where you are in the relationship, what you bring to the relationship. I have... owned up to my demise in every single relationship. know what I did and what I didn't do and it's not just about blaming the other person, it's about knowing where you are and what you're doing or not doing and just kind of being mindful of that. So I think I think I covered everything I really wanted to as far as love languages are and why they're important, why you need to learn them and how it can help you in all of your relationships. I really hope you found value in this. I hope this was helpful. I really want you to like, share, comment, subscribe, write reviews, do all the things. Sign up for my newsletter, follow me on socials. I will put links to everything down below or above or whatever if you're on YouTube or watching the podcast on another platform, all the things. I, again, I just want to say thank you so much for being here. I really do love you and appreciate you and I want you to go do life with love.